House of Activity

We are a house full of joy, tantrums, upsets, and love. We pray and learn about God. We share joys and sorrows. We talk about life. We worry about pasts. Mom thinks and worrys about the future. Luckily, my girl is sheltered from the worry of her future. She knows of her "sickness", what a five year old can understand. She doesn't understand the social and physical ramifications of what this means. I shelter the load of those thoughts. They plague me - but only at times.

Times like now when the team set up to support us through our educational program in our school district looks ahead to next year. We discuss yet again, for the second time since beginning kindergarten, who should have the information of her "condition", should her teacher know, should anyone else - PE, music, recess, lunch, secretaries??? Right now it is the need-to-know. The school superintendent, the Special Education director, her principal, the school nurse, the school social worker, and her kindergarten teacher. I made this decision. Even writing all these titles, I wonder, is it too many??? I felt it was best for our family. I bear this load. Was it the right choice? I decided that it was the best choice for our family at this time.

I want her to be safe, but I don't want this information "out" either. It would not be a good thing in our community. If my daughter feels she wants people to know, as she gets older and understands better what this means, I will give her my full and unwavering support. But to place a 5 year old in this position, a five year old who knows nothing of what this could mean socially, before she even has friends who know her for her, is not fair to her. It wouldn't be fair to make her our community's poster child for HIV without her understanding that. For next year, we will expand our little circle only to her first grade teacher. We discussed as a team who this should be, and chose whom we thought would be best. An "older" teacher who won't be out a lot with sick little ones, a teacher who has a nurse for a daughter and would take the information well without judgement, a teacher everyone on the team says is a good teacher. I trust their judgement.

We move on toward first grade.