Disclosure

While my daughter is "mine forever," she has not been officially adopted yet. I apologize if I misled anyone in that nature, but I have another blog and wasn't ready for anyone to connect the two as yet. Well, today we received word of her adoption finalization date: September 20th!!! This summer has been a time for lots of thinking. Upon "talking" online with other moms of HIV+ children, and really praying about the situation as it related to our lives, I decided that what was most likely best for my daughter in her life was to NOT keep this a "big bad secret." Because that's how it's felt. I've worried about people "finding out." I've feared for her, for myself, for my family. "How will they respond? How will they treat us?" If I as an adult have felt that way, what kind of life it that to expect a child to live and grow up in? How will she create a truly positive self-image if she continually wonders what would happen if... If people knew, If people found out, Would they be my friends, Would they still like/love/care about me? I don't want that for her. We will not be keeping it a secret.

If we did, we would continue to perpetuate the myth that HIV is something to be feared, to be "caught." It's not. It's affecting many, many, many innocents who shouldn't have to hide who they are.

When asking my daughter her opinion, because even at 6 I wouldn't make this decision without her approval, she was relieved. That is the best way I can describe it. She was so happy to know she wouldn't have to hide this information.

Honestly, I think right now I fear the release of this information for myself right now more than her. I work in a school district. I work in a school district where my daughter goes to school. Where last year the staff was told there was an anonymous HIV+ child in the district, because I wanted to let the nurse and her teacher know, they made the decision to inform the entire staff in the district, anonymously. I heard some of the comments. I know they are based in fear. I do understand that fear. BUT, we are educated adults. We are supposed to "know better", to provide an example of openness and caring. I worry what will happen when they know it was/is my daughter. I have 3 weeks.

Wishes Part 3

We are on our way to a wish. My daughter and I informed her social worker that she was "ready." The Make a Wish people called me this week to verify info and get the process started. They will then send the information to Wish Granters from our area who will then contact us to meet my daughter and ask her about her special wish.

Disclosure

Well, some big decisions have been brewing lately. As of right now, no one in our life knows about my daughter's HIV. As a foster parent, it was not my right to inform anyone of this. I did tell my parents, my friend and daughter's godmother, and a friend and her husband who will be listed as guardians in my will. That's it. No one else knows this. I really thought I wanted to wait until my daughter was old enough to make that decision on her own and allow her to be the one to decide when or who to "tell." BUT, as I read more from other parents having gone through, or in the midst of, this same situation, the more I think it needs to not be a secret. I want my daughter to know she is loved and appreciated for who she is, regardless. I don't want her to grow up not knowing if she would still have friends if they "knew." I don't want her to think there is anything wrong with her, who she is, because there isn't. So, when Make a Wish happens, and sends out letters for support, I will allow them to use her name and photo. I will allow them to send letters out in our community. I will allow them to help "get the word out" so that it's not just me making a big announcement. I feel a sense of calm, of peace, and even relief. I talked with my daughter, and she gave me a huge hug. A look of relief on her face. How much pressure was she already under with this "secret?" Now she won't have to be...