While my daughter is "mine forever," she has not been officially adopted yet. I apologize if I misled anyone in that nature, but I have another blog and wasn't ready for anyone to connect the two as yet. Well, today we received word of her adoption finalization date: September 20th!!! This summer has been a time for lots of thinking. Upon "talking" online with other moms of HIV+ children, and really praying about the situation as it related to our lives, I decided that what was most likely best for my daughter in her life was to NOT keep this a "big bad secret." Because that's how it's felt. I've worried about people "finding out." I've feared for her, for myself, for my family. "How will they respond? How will they treat us?" If I as an adult have felt that way, what kind of life it that to expect a child to live and grow up in? How will she create a truly positive self-image if she continually wonders what would happen if... If people knew, If people found out, Would they be my friends, Would they still like/love/care about me? I don't want that for her. We will not be keeping it a secret.
If we did, we would continue to perpetuate the myth that HIV is something to be feared, to be "caught." It's not. It's affecting many, many, many innocents who shouldn't have to hide who they are.
When asking my daughter her opinion, because even at 6 I wouldn't make this decision without her approval, she was relieved. That is the best way I can describe it. She was so happy to know she wouldn't have to hide this information.
Honestly, I think right now I fear the release of this information for myself right now more than her. I work in a school district. I work in a school district where my daughter goes to school. Where last year the staff was told there was an anonymous HIV+ child in the district, because I wanted to let the nurse and her teacher know, they made the decision to inform the entire staff in the district, anonymously. I heard some of the comments. I know they are based in fear. I do understand that fear. BUT, we are educated adults. We are supposed to "know better", to provide an example of openness and caring. I worry what will happen when they know it was/is my daughter. I have 3 weeks.
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The story of a real family, living with a child with HIV, and the feelings, thoughts, and responsibilities that lie within.
2 comments:
I will be praying for you and this process. It will be tough but you are wise in your decision. It is what is best in the long run. I am so excited about Sept. 20th. Yea!
Hi again,
Congatulations about September 20th! I'm glad that you asked your daughter what her wishes were and that she was relieved and happy.
The degree of lack of HIV knowledge among all age-groups, even here in San Francisco, is amazing to me after spending years (in my 20's) of speaking in schools about living with it--both for prevention's-sake, and to dispell fear. Sometimes it seems like we're going backwards.
I wish you both the best with the ongoing disclosure issues you will face. At least you will find out for sure who your real "support family" will be.
I posted your blogsite on my blogsite (which is very different--more a sudden creative burst of expression of frustration with service disparities, but also some referrals. I'm not sure you would like it.) But if you would like to visit, it is sfpositive.blogspot.com.
Or you can contact me at sfpositive@gmail.com. I would love any good blog recommendations you have. I am new to this.
Blessings.
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